I Wish He Knew
by southpark33
Summary: Tom is falling in love with Doug, but how could he ever love him back? TomDoug, don't like, don't read. This is a prequel to my last fic The Miracle of Life, but you don't have to read it to read this. You can just love TomDoug stories!


**This is my take on a ****TomDoug**** love story. It was meant as a prequel for my ****fic**** The Miracle of Life, but it can also be read by itself. And this is rated M for a reason people, boy sex follows! It's nice, loving sex though. I might continue this, but it might remain ****a****oneshot****, it depends on people's response to it****. Let me know in a review! Oh, and I own nothing from 21 Jump Street, I don't make money off of this, and I'm not trying to corrupt people into loving the ****TomDoug**** pairing. Enjoy!**

Tom didn't know when it happened or how it happened, but it did. He always knew growing up that he didn't like the same thing most other boys liked. He didn't like chasing skirts or trying to catch a look down a girl's top when she bent over. No, he had always preferred guys, he knew that, but he didn't know he was stupid enough to ever fall for one of his co-workers. Especially one he knew was straighter than shoelaces.

"Hey Hanson, quit zoning out! I need you to pay attention!" Fuller yelled at him, breaking him away from his thoughts.

"Sorry Captain." he said half-heartedly.

"Aww, go easy on him Coach. Tommy's only a baby!" Doug said playfully. Tom smiled and smacked him upside the head, but inside he could only think of how much he wanted to be Doug's baby.

Yes, he'd fallen for Doug Penhall. He swore to himself he would never fall for someone he worked with, but he was screwed from the first day he met Doug. He was immediately attracted to the tall, muscular man with wide hazel eyes and a handsome face who greeted him when he first entered the chapel. He was also a sucker for his smooth New York cop accent. But as time passed he actually got to know Doug and also fell for the person that he was. He may seem cocky at first, but he really was a sweetheart underneath that exterior who just wanted to be loved. He was also loyal, honest, brave, funny, and smart to top it all off. He could also identify with a lot of Doug's anger problems and issues with his parents. He couldn't help it; Doug made it too easy for him. He snuck a quick glance over at Doug. His wavy hair was messy as usual and he was wearing a short-sleeved shirt that exposed the muscles in his arms. God, he just wanted to go over, sit in his lap, and run his hands all over him.

_"Down boy!"_ he told himself. He knew if he ever made a move on Doug that it would ruin their friendship and he couldn't risk that, since it was all he had. If Doug ended up hating him then it would seriously break his heart. He had never felt this strongly about someone before. All of his other relationships were with women and he had never really been in love with them and he had only had crushes and lust towards other men. Nope, Doug was different. Doug was...special. He struggled with the feeling at first but eventually came to terms with it-he was in love.

"Alright, so you and Hanson are going to enroll at Crawford High School for your next case." Fuller told to Doug, coaxing Tom out of his thoughts. "You need to bust a drug ring that's been getting bigger and bigger over the last few months."

"Oooo, better be careful you guys." Judy warned them. "The kids at that school can be pretty tough. South central."

"Don't worry Jude, no gang's too tough for the McQuaid brothers!" he said proudly. Then he and Tom exchanged their standard hand smack and "HEH!" Judy just rolled her eyes.

"Tell them that when they've got a gun pointed in your face." Fuller gravelly told them. "Well, here's the case files on all of them, I suggest you look them over."

"A criminal file before you're in high school? Jeez." Tom said, taking the files.

"It's all the rage these days." Fuller told him, shaking his head. "Well, that's all then. You guys start on Monday." he told them, standing up from his chair and leaving the officers alone.

"Hey, what say we have a football night with these Hanson?" Doug proposed.

Tom frowned. "A football night?"

"Yeah, a football night." Doug told him. "You know, where you sit around drinking beer and watching football on a Friday night with your buddy? We can do that and take a look at the files while we're enjoying the football."

Tom chuckled but suddenly got nervous. A night alone with Doug? While they weren't on a case? With beer? He didn't trust himself with the possibility. "We won't get any work done if we do that, Doug, and you know it."

"Oh, you don't trust me? Come on, try me!" he challenged. Tom knew he lost.

"Alright, fine. But we'd better get some work done." he told him.

"You won't!" Judy told them in a sing-song voice as she walked to her desk.

Doug gave her a funny face. "So, come over to my apartment at six. We can get some work done before the game starts."

"Sounds good." Tom told him smiling. It DID sound good. This was the sort of thing he always prayed for like a little school girl when he was sitting at his desk during the day. But how could he risk the temptation? He would have to castrate himself.OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Tom slowly made his way to the door of Doug's apartment. He tried to calm himself down, but the butterflies were still flying in his belly. He hated to admit it, but part of the reason he was excited was the prospect of being alone with Doug. He couldn't let his heart (and his crotch) win over his head. He sighed as he reached the door and knocked hard. Doug answered the door almost immediately.

"Lookin' good Tommy!" he said, slapping him on the shoulder. Tom smiled despite his nervousness and walked into the apartment and sat down on the couch.

"Alright, let's look at these." Tom said, trying to get right to business, but Doug shook his head.

"We need some music to do our work to." Doug told him.

"I don't like your music." Tom chuckled.

"You'll like this Tom, it's your style." he told him.

"Since when do you listen to my kind of music?"

"I like all different kinds of music." he told him. "Not just loud, screaming metal rock and opera. Trust me. The band's called Mott the Hoople."

Tom laughed. "What kind of name is Mott the Hoople?"

"Hey, don't hate, they're awesome!" Doug insisted. "Wait till you listen to this one song, 'All the Young Dudes', its great!" Tom sighed and held up his hands. Doug inserted the tape in his player and selected the right track and soon the sound of raw guitars and a scratchy voice not really singing, but more like talking over the music in a melodic voice filled the room. Tom listened to the song as Doug went to get them some beers.

"You know, I hate to admit it, but this is a good song." Tom told him when he returned with the beer.

"I told you! Guess I'm not such a bad guy after all." he told him.

"I never said you were a bad guy." Tom told him, confused that Doug would take it that seriously.

Doug shrugged and sat next to him on the couch with his legs on the table.

_"Oh God, don't drool." _Tom thought to himself as he took in Doug. His legs were slightly parted and he could see his broad chest moving up and down as he breathed. Oh, what was this man doing to him? Suddenly Doug started tugging at his collar.

"It's warm in here." he said. Tom frowned. It was actually quite chilly in the apartment because of the October weather. He fingered at the buttons on his shirt. "Do you mind?"

Tom gulped. "No, go ahead." he told him and with that he started to undo some of the buttons on his shirt. Tom's eyes widened as the skin on Doug's chest was exposed. He then reached over to the table to get his beer and his thigh moved so that it was ever so slightly resting against Tom's. Tom thought that he was going to die. Or worse, get excited. It was almost like Doug was coming on to him. No, it had to be in his mind. Doug moved again to pick up the case files and opened them up. They spent the next few hours watching football and yelling at the screen, having a great time. During commercial breaks they looked through the files. Soon they were on the last one. Doug opened it and he shook his head.

"Spouse abuse. That's one crime I really can't take." Doug told him.

Tom smiled. "It looked like you were close when you were with Dorothy."

Doug laughed. "I would never actually hit her, even with how much we fought toward the end." He shook his head. "I guess I just have to find someone more sensitive. You know what I mean?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I can't say I've ever had a really serious relationship. I haven't even lost my vir-"but he quickly shut his mouth before he said the rest.

"Did I just hear VIRGIN? You're a fucking VIRGIN Tommy?" Doug asked, practically hysterical. "What are you, twenty three?"

"I'm twenty two!" Tom yelled. "And I'm not TOTALLY a virgin. I've had blowjobs and stuff, but I've never actually...you know." He couldn't tell Doug the real reason that he was a virgin, that he couldn't bring himself to actually have intercourse with a girl, that he was too scared to get a boyfriend.

"Wow." Doug said as he loudly exhaled. "I must say, that's a shock. The girls in the high schools always give you the googly eyes."

Tom shrugged. "It's not like I haven't tried."

"I understand." Doug told him.

Tom snorted. "No guy understands." Doug shook his head.

"No, you can trust me." he told him softly. "I won't ever think anything bad about you." Before Tom knew it Doug's face was only a few inches from his and they were looking into each other's eyes. Tom could feel himself blush all the way up to his ears. Before he knew it Doug was leaning in to close the distance between them.

_"Oh God, this can't possibly be real."_ he thought as he closed his eyes. Then just like his thoughts were confirmed Doug quickly pulled away.

"I'm sorry." he said quietly. He looked like he positively hated himself.

Tom was confused beyond belief. "Wh...What?"

"I'M SORRY!" Doug yelled. He shot up from the couch and turned the TV off. "God, this was a bad idea. I shouldn't have done that."

"Doug...why DID you do that?" Tom asked before he could stop himself.

Doug shifted his eyes over to him but wouldn't look into his eyes. "Isn't it obvious?" he said in almost a whisper. Tom's mouth fell wide open and he tried to resist the urge to scream.

"You...you like me? Like, as in, romantically?" Tom asked breathlessly. Doug nodded.

"I've liked you for a while, almost ever since when you first came to Jump Street. I invited you here so I could get this off my chest because I was afraid it was gonna start some tension at work but...I went too far."

Tom had to resist jumping up and down and cheering for joy. He instead opted to just stand there, stunned. Doug was clutching his fists so hard that his knuckles were white and he bit his lip until he tasted blood. "All I can say is that I'm sorry. If you're mad and don't want to talk to me anymore, I understand." Tom walked over to Doug and he flinched, waiting for a huge punch to the face or a knee in his groin. But he almost had a heart attack when Tom jumped on him, knocked him backwards to the floor, and attacked him with his lips. Doug gasped, which Tom used as an opportunity to work his tongue into his mouth. He half expected Doug to pull away, but after a second felt him returning the kiss and stroking his tongue against his and running his hands down his back. Soon they pulled away for the need for air and for explanation. Doug looked into Tom's face with a look of confusion.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that." Tom told Doug with a warm smile, putting him somewhat at ease.

"You like me too?" Doug asked. Tom nodded and reluctantly raised himself up so he could let Doug stand up. Doug almost lost his balance, but recovered and pulled Tom over to the couch. "Tom, why didn't you ever tell me about this?"

"The same reason you never told me." Tom said while taking Doug's hand. Doug nodded and soon a smile spread on his face.

"How long?" he asked.

"Since the first day I saw you. You're a very attractive man Doug." Tom told him. Doug blushed and laced their fingers together and pulled them closer. "I never wanted to make any trouble or make you hate me, so I never said anything." he continued. "You were always talking about chicks and trying to get me set up, so I never thought you would feel the same way."

Doug shook his head and laughed. "I tried to set you up because I wanted to see you with another person. That way it would make it easier for me to stay away from you, you know?"

"You could be with me." Tom whispered. Doug pressed his forehead against his and put his hand on Tom's neck, making him shiver. "Doug, this might sound crazy...but I think I'm falling in love with you." The hand on his neck tightened and soon his lips were pressed against Doug's again, but this time the kiss was gentler and less needy. Tom took the time to notice how soft Doug's lips were, how warm his mouth was, and how different the slight stubble on Doug's face felt from a girl's smooth cheeks. Not that he minded, of course. When they pulled apart Tom noticed how happy Doug really looked.

"I'm falling in love with you too Tom." he whispered. "I wish you knew just how much and how fast."

"Show me." Tom told him as he leant in to kiss Doug again. Doug eagerly responded and Tom felt his tongue slide against his lips, asking for entry. He obliged and willingly fell backwards against the couch when he felt Doug gently pushing him. He loved the feeling of Doug's warm body against him and his hands running up and down his thighs. He snaked his hands around Doug's frame and clutched his back. He moaned when he felt Doug's hips fall against his and he felt a hardness growing in his jeans, stirring him as well. He ran his fingers through Doug's hair, which was surprisingly soft. He whined when Doug unexpectedly pulled back. He greedily tried to pull Doug back to him but he still resisted. Doug could see fear entering Doug's eyes but he gently put a hand to his face.

"I want to know how far you want to go." Doug told him. "If you don't want to go all the way, you need to tell me now or else I won't be able to stop."

Tom laughed softly and ground his hips against Doug's. "I think I've been a virgin for too long."

Doug bit back a moan and looked directly into Tom's eyes. "I need you to be sure. I don't want to take your virginity and then have you regret it later."

Tom nodded and wrapped his arms around Doug lovingly. "I'm more than sure. I want you to be my first. But you're gonna have to show me the way. I'm clueless when it comes to doing it with a guy."

Doug smiled. "Don't worry, I don't mind." Doug said playfully, making Tom laugh.

"Just how many guys have you been with?" Tom asked, now getting a little nervous.

"Enough." he said simply, but this time Tom resisted.

"I mean, like, promiscuously? Doug, you could..."

"Don't worry; I've been tested more than once." Doug assured him. "I have a clean bill of health."

"Oh. Well, that's different then." Tom said, pulling Doug back to his mouth. Doug groaned and re-entered his tongue and pulling Tom out of the jacket he was wearing. Tom lifted his arms willingly and went to undo the buttons on Doug's shirt that he didn't unfasten. Doug took his arms away from Tom and slipped out of his shirt while Tom started running his hands down his bare chest and torso. He slid his hands down Tom's shirt and started pulling it off him. He slid out of it willingly and started to undo the fly of Doug's jeans. Doug noticed that his hands were shaking while he was doing it.

"Don't be scared. It'll all be fine." Doug whispered in his ear. Tom nodded and finished undoing the fly. Doug lifted himself off Tom and slid out of his jeans. Tom couldn't believe how lucky he was. Doug was built like a football player, big and tall and muscle bound. His breath caught and his eyes widened as Doug's member was exposed to him.

"You're really big." he blurted out. Doug chuckled.

"So I've heard." he said, just slightly smug. He went back over to Tom, who was now sitting up, and kissed him gently. He could still see fear in his eyes. He slowly lowered his hands to Tom's own fly and undid it in such a way that it was a loving gesture.

"Take your jeans and boxers off." Doug commanded gently, sitting on the couch so Tom could stand up. Tom stood in front of Doug and kicked his shoes off and slowly, and unintentionally teasingly, slid off his jeans. The bulge in his boxers was clearly visible now and he was somewhat intimidated by the look of pure lust in Doug's eyes. He shifted his eyes downward and slid his boxers off as well, exposing himself completely. Doug was happy with what he saw. Tom was tall and very skinny, but wasn't lanky at all and had taught muscles under his skin. He had a prominent happy trail that led down to a very impressive dick, which was like his body, long and thin.

"You're pretty well endowed yourself." he told him. Tom managed a small smile and made his way back over to Doug, biting his lip. "Don't be so self conscious." he told him as Tom reached him. "You really don't have any idea how damn sexy you are, do you?" Tom smiled, but bit his lip again. "Come here." Doug gently told him, pulling his lean form to his more muscular one. They both moaned as their erections came into contact and Tom eagerly bucked his hips forward. He allowed himself to be pushed on his back again and he ran his hands over Doug's naked form, unfamiliar with any other man's anatomy other than his own. Doug kissed him down his chin and his neck and a shiver of pleasure went down Tom's spine. Doug felt it and smiled.

"Am I doing alright?" he asked playfully. Tom nodded and leaned up to nibble Doug's ear, pressing his erection against Doug's belly. Doug growled at the feeling and bent down to lightly bite Tom's nipple. Tom whimpered and Doug felt the nipple harden in his mouth. He soon moved to lay kisses on his chest and down his belly, gently pulling at the hair of his happy trail with his teeth. He slid down further, reaching his goal. He swirled his tongue around the head of his cock, which was already weeping with precum, and then he took it down his throat in one swift movement. Tom gasped and bucked his hips forward, pushing himself deeper into Doug's mouth. Doug gently pushed his hips back down and took him out of his mouth.

"I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I don't wanna choke before I get the chance to have sex with you." Doug told him. Tom gave a husky laugh and sighed as Doug took him into his mouth again, moving his mouth up and down his shaft. Doug was clearly experienced, doing tricks with his tongue that were truly sinful and making Tom mewl like a kitten. Doug could soon feel Tom's muscles tighten and could hear his moans grow louder, signaling to him that he was about to cum. He could finish Tom off, but he liked to tease his lovers. He gave the length one last suck and he took his mouth away.

"Doug, you bastard!" Tom choked out. Doug just smiled at him and pressed his mouth against his. Tom moaned into the kiss, tasting himself on Doug's tongue. Doug pulled back and reached into the table beside the couch. When he came back to his previous position he was holding a bottle of KY. Tom gulped and started biting his nails out of habit. Doug took in the image of the younger man below him. His eyes, dark brown like the coffee he loved to drink, were now black and cloudy with lust and his face was flushed. He found the sight of Tom's long fingers in his mouth very hot, but realized that he was doing it because he was nervous. He swatted the fingers away and gave him gentle kisses.

"Trust me." he whispered. Tom nodded, but Doug looked into his eyes one last time to make sure. He saw fear, but he also saw trust and-yes, praise the lord!-love. He poured some of the KY on his fingers and leaned back to Tom's mouth. He could feel his hands grasp his neck hard and he hoped the kisses would distract him as he reached his hand to Tom's entrance. He circled a finger around it and slid his finger in smoothly. Tom frowned into Doug's mouth at the unfamiliar feeling. "Doug, what are you..."

"It's normal. You have to stretch the hole when you're with a guy or else it'll hurt like hell." he explained. Tom nodded and let him continue kissing him and sliding the finger in and out. He entered another finger soon after that and started moving his fingers to try and find Tom's sweet spot. He soon found the small nub and stroked it. Tom pulled away from Doug's mouth, threw his head back, and moaned loudly.

"What the hell was that?" he asked.

"What, this?" Doug asked innocently, brushing over it again. Tom moaned again, just as loudly. He growled and pulled Doug to him again, shoving his tongue in his mouth. He continued working his fingers in his entrance, adding a third finger and scissoring the digits. When he thought he was ready, he removed his fingers and started to pour some of the KY on his cock. The fear entered Tom's eyes again and Doug pressed their foreheads together.

"I'm not going to lie, this is going to hurt. Your first times always hurt, but it won't always be like this. Okay." Doug told him. Tom swallowed and nodded, kissing Doug's nose. He wrapped Tom's legs around his waist, bringing them closer. Tom felt the tip of Doug's cock at his entrance, but tried to relax his muscles to make it easier. Doug slowly started pushing into Tom's body, giving him a chance to adjust to his size. He hated to hear the whimper of pain from Tom, but there was nothing he could do. He stopped for a moment, and then pushed himself all the way in. Tom cried out with pain and pressed himself against the couch.

"Shh, baby, it's okay." Doug whispered soothingly, laying kisses on Tom's face. "It'll pass, I promise."

"Doug...Doug, it hurts so much." he stuttered, feeling tears prick at the corners of his eyes but refusing to let them fall.

"I know, I know." Doug told him, stroking his face. God, Tom felt so good around him, he was incredibly tight and hot, but he couldn't move yet, not when Tom was like this.

It was one of the worst pains in Tom's life. All he could feel was a burning, stinging sensation. He took deep breaths and made an effort to relax his muscles, and the pain started to dull.

"I'm ready." he told Doug in a shaky voice. He nodded and slowly started to move. He pulled himself almost all the way out and then back in an agonizingly slow pace. He started to get a rhythm and got to a decent pace, still not wanting to hurt Tom.

Tom whimpered and tried to block out the burning sensation. He kissed Doug hard, wanting a touch that didn't bring him pain. Doug slowly started to up the pace and aim for his sweet spot. He knew he found it when Tom threw his head back and moaned and started to move along with Doug's strokes. The pain was gone now and all he felt was pleasure. He ran his hands down Doug's back, feeling the heat radiating off him. Doug had started to move fast, taking shorter strokes. He could feel himself reaching his peak. Tom was getting close as well, thrusting back even faster against Doug.

"Doug...Doug...I'm so close..." he struggled out, and then shot his seed on Doug's belly, contracting his muscles around Doug. The contraction of muscles drove Doug over the edge and he shot his load deep inside Tom shouting his name. Doug collapsed beside him, pulling him close. Tom eagerly curled against Doug's form, laying his head on his chest. He smiled up at him and Doug smiled back. They lent in and kissed each other again, this time lovingly and caringly. Tom was happier than he had been in a long time and always wanted to feel this way.

"This is the most ironic situation I've ever been in." Doug told him as they pulled apart. Tom laughed.

"I know. I fell in love with you and thought you would never love me back, and you were falling in love with me the entire time." Tom said dreamily. "I can't believe I didn't know, Doug. I can't believe we waited this long."

"I know, it's crazy." Doug agreed. "But we know now, and now we're together, and that's all that matters." He took Tom's hand and laced his fingers with his. Tom was touched by the gesture and snuggled closer to the body of his partner.

"I don't deserve you. You could get much better than me." Tom whispered.

Doug pulled back and looked into his eyes. "Don't say that." he told him, tightening the hold on his hand. "After I met you I could never have a relationship and not wish they were you. Knowing that I'll be able to see you at the chapel is what gets me out of bed every morning. Seeing your smile is the highlight of my day and I feel like killing myself whenever I make you mad. You're all I think about Tommy, I love you more than anything. And I'll always be here for you, no matter what, as a friend and a lover, if that's what you want."

Tears rose to Tom's eyes and he nodded. "It's all I want in the entire world. I want to give you every part of me, including my heart, just please don't break it."

"I won't Tom, trust me. Thank you for giving it to me." Doug told him, bringing him in for more tender kisses. When they pulled apart he noticed how tired Tom was. "Losing your cherry's tiring, huh?"

Tom nodded. "It was worth it though. It released a lot of tension."

"I couldn't agree more." Doug laughed. "Now let's get some sleep, you look like you have one foot in dreamland already." Tom nodded and laid his head against Doug's chest. Doug pulled the blanket that was spread over the top of the couch down to them and he covered them with the warmth to shield them from the chill.

"You lied about it being hot in here." Tom chuckled. Doug smiled and nodded.

"But wasn't it worth it?" Doug asked, turning off the light.

"Very." Tom laughed, snuggling deeper into Doug's chest. Doug wrapped his arms around him and pulled the blanket over his shoulders. "I love you." he heard Tom say, slightly muffled against his chest.

"I love you too." he answered just as softly. He then settled against the soft pillows on the couch and they both drifted to sleep in each other's arms. It was something they could both definitely get used to.


End file.
